my love goes free


you're a bird//
with a pretty mouth//
you're a bird//

with songs to shout//
and the same refrain//

singing out//
if you love her //

let her go//
if you love her//

let her go//
she sings beautiful//

and slow//
a tune//

that only caged birds know//

my love goes free | jon foreman



knit bow headband tutorial


Most of you probably know I'm really in to knitting/crocheting, and I've done a few tutorials for my craft blog (also for crafting magazines). Eve suggested I so some tutorials for jewelry on AOU (after my Luna necklace), and even though this isn't jewelry, I thought it would be fun. :-)

(size 7 needles)
co 13, k in seed st until piece measures 5  1/4 in.

co 5, k in seed st until piece measures 2  1/2 in.

(size 10 needles)
co 15, k every row for about 15 in (garter st stretches, but adjust to your head size)


                                        Seed stitch is one of my favorites! It's such a unique pattern with a very simple repeat. k, p, k, p, k, p...


                                      Fold the bow accordion style, sew through once to secure, then sew the band in the middle, leaving a tail.



Sew the two ends of the headband together.


                                                                                  Sew the bow to the headband (over your seam) and you're done!



i feel like i should post this here.

original photo

i only just recently got my life together, and this is the verse that God used to minister to me. i feel like lately, a lot of us have been going through some horrid times. and the best part is, when it's over, you breathe easy, and you know that with His help, you can do anything. so this is matthew 11:28, and i hope it speaks the you the way it spoke to me. i hope He holds you the way He held me. 



holding it together

Amateurs are overconfident.
The professionals are scared to death.
-- quote via pinterest --

You know those people who always seem to have it together? It's as if their business/blog is coming along nicely & they always seem so confident. But guess what? They have the same doubts and worries as everyone else. They just manage to smile their way through the hard times, laugh away the awkward, & jump up after every fall. They keep pushing forward no matter what. They're the professionals.

If you're worried about starting upon a new venture, don't let fear hold you back.

Let overconfidence... because it's probably a sign that you're not ready yet.

hugs, eve


argh argh argh

I'm not exactly sure how to start this post.
(Don't worry, I'm not leaving too! Ha.)

I guess that's how I'll start it? Okay.

These past few weeks have left me more confused than I've ever been... my emotions have been played with, my self esteem keeps going up and up only to fall even lower, opportunities that I'm not 100% sure about keep popping up, I keep thinking I finally have it all together, only to get shaken up and drop everything once more.

I struggle so much with confidence. It's not that my own confidence is so important for me to have, but I think it's important to at least do what I'm doing without cowering every second. I'm always so scared of everything I'm doing (photography, writing, knitting, creating) that I feel like I shouldn't be doing it. But at the same time I KNOW THIS IS WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO BE DOING. And that's why it's confusing.

One day in particular last week left me not only worried and scared, but hurt and lonely. It started out great. But it didn't end great. People hear things they assume are true. They tell me things they don't necessarily mean, and I take them to heart, playing their words over and over in my head, deciphering them and applying them to my every move. I can't sleep, I doubt every ability I thought I had, I hate myself, I just feel so low. I feel like I can't actually do anything anymore - that I'm like a photographer with no hands, or a writer with no brain. YOU CAN'T DO IT my insides scream. IT WON'T WORK YOU LOSER I keep telling myself.

I'm not writing this to get sympathy or nice messages telling me it's going to be okay. Actually, I'm not sure why I'm writing this. I guess I just feel alone in the world. And as selfish as this sounds, I kind of hope other people out there feel low and have doubts like I do every now and then too... 

My life isn't bad. I have a good life, a very good life. But even though good things are happening right now, bad things are happening too...

My bad for not posting in like 9 months. My brain is too muddled to think of an excuse right now.

and so i say g'bye.

i don't like goodbyes. they're so sad and final. but today, i must face the heartache and say goodbye. i really do love blogging. writing has always been my niche and blogging was a perfect outlet for me. and then to be a part of AOU made me feel beyond honored.

but i'm tired, exhausted...because i'm always writing about the same sort of things. my life has become so mellow and boring. my photography has been completely forgotten because i've become so uninspired and lazy. i don't want that anymore.

so i'm saying goodbye to blogging; on both AOU and my personal blog. i'm going to take a huge step back and reevaluate what is important to me, what my passions are, what my style is, and, most importantly, why to all of those things.

i don't know how long i'll be gone. maybe a year, maybe two. maybe only six months. but for however long it is, i will not come back until i know, in my heart, what my real passions are. because if i don't know, i can't give my best; and without my best, my endeavors are useless.

so farewell, my dears. i will miss this place. but it is for the best that we part ways here.

jocee, abby, gracie, eve, megan, and bleah...i wish you the very best in all that you do. you're beautiful and you will all go so far with your passions. good luck and happy day everyone!


we all grow up 
and we all leave home;
but to stay in one place
would be to hinder the sparks
of truth, passion, dignity, and talent.
because without walking,
how can one ever go any place?
learn by always, always going;
walking, seeking, finding...


Bleah Briann Patterson. That's my name. For what it's worth.

this is not the kind of post they brought on board to write. I do assume they'll be glad with it's conclusion.

I haven't felt enough in such a very long time you see, I haven't felt it. I have not been okay in so long I couldn't keep count -- always thinking the light would be at the end of the tunnel to realize the walls were closing in and this wasn't a tunnel at all but i was buried alive and there was light. not for me, just an allotted amount of a breath and a painful end.

so here I am, pitiful and sad and ready for a boat load of anons telling me I'm pitiful and sad, well let me just say that I know. Maybe I am depressed or maybe I am just done. but i am done. God is the only confidant I have and I'm learning to be okay with that.

I am very much done with all of this.
This will be the last time you hear from me for awhile. At least here. I'll be at my home blog until the end of the summer, then I will disappear, and I'm happy to do so. Because I'm tired. And I'm done pretending to be something that I'm not and accepting this coffin.

So I bid you a adieu.


the gift list

i am on the daily hunt for eucharisteo: 
thanksgiving, grace, joy.

my moleskine pages are full of an ongoing list of eucharisteo. the messy-gritty, the obvious beauty, the God-glory surrounding me in little brother's laugh, in the purple-flower plants, in the room covered in clothes waiting to be packed away.

it is soothing for my soul, to name these gifts, the everyday joy and pain. it has opened my eyes to the world, and i am searching, ever searching, for the little blessings that make of the bigger picture of what we call life. i notice more now, because i am constantly wanting to notice. i want to reach this dare of one thousand gifts, and now i see things i never noticed before, things i would never have counted as a gift.

1. morning light dancing on my sleepy face
3. sweet memories of camp hanging on my wall
11. melodies sung by nature
19. the fear and excitement of growing up
22. crooked smiles
29. cheap film cameras
34. bare feet on concrete floor
40. white fluff and soft pink and baby blue painted across the sky
68. melting chocolate on fingers

these are the gifts of the everyday that i have come to notice and cherish with these new eyes. every gift listed fills my heart full of joy and grace and thanksgiving- eucharisteo.
have you taken the dare to list one thousand gifts?